★★★ NOW HIRING! MUST BE ABLE TO IGNORE SIRENS AND MOP UP SUSPICIOUS FLUIDS ★★★ TRY OUR NEW DOUBLE BACON GREASE-BOMB ★★★ LSPD OFFICERS EAT AT THEIR OWN RISK ★★★ NO REFUNDS. NO BATHROOM BREAKS. NO EXCEPTIONS. ★★★
VALUE MENU (NO NUTRITIONAL VALUE)
The "Regular" Burger
We legally cannot call it beef! Served with wilted lettuce, a slice of yellow plastic, and a sauce that stings the back of your throat. Delicious!
$8.00
Double Cheese & Bacon
Two patties of mystery meat, dripping with so much grease the bag goes transparent before you hit the door. Four strips of burnt bacon.
$14.00
Thick Milkshake
Vanilla, Chocolate, or "Pink". So thick you'll burst a blood vessel trying to use the straw. Perfect for hiding small contraband.
$6.00
Industrial Soda
32 ounces of highly corrosive, caffeinated syrup water. Cleans battery terminals AND keeps you awake for 48 hours straight.
$3.50
"Booger Sugar"
SPECIAL PROMOTION. You want extra "powdered sugar" on those fries? Just wink at the cashier. Do not say it loudly into the mic.
MARKET PRICE
Locations
WE NEVER CLOSE. THE LOCKS ARE BROKEN.
📍 SOUTH SIDE MALL (SECOND FLOOR)
Peanuts (Peenus) 12 inch glizzy deapthroat contest - Every Tuesday @ 7PM EST
☎ 555-0199
TEXT ONLY. IF YOU HEAR SHOUTING IN THE BACKGROUND, HANG UP IMMEDIATELY.